Is Annoying Is Good Defense Again Negativity

Negativity is natural. In all our lives in that location are the "mood-hoovers", the "heart-sinkers" and the "dark clouds". Those people who seem to exist total of woe and peachy to "rain on your parade.

Dealing with Dementors

JK Rowling describes an extreme version of this in her stories of the wizarding world.

Get also well-nigh a Dementor and every good feeling, every happy retentivity will be sucked out of yous JK Rowling

In the Harry Potter stories, the Dementors are used to guard the prison house. They don't only punish the inmates past surrounding them with negativity. They besides suck out all the hope and joy so that the prisoners don't feel that escape is even worth trying. The Defence force of the Night Arts teacher trains the children to drive the dementors away creating a Patronus, a strong positive feeling.

Dealing with Negativity in the Real World

Some coaches and gurus  say to blackball negative people from your life. Either cut them off or blast them with positivity.

The bad news is this is rarely feasible and never kind. First of all, it's not like shooting fish in a barrel to just cut people off –there are mobile phones, social media etc. Secondly, where does ane get the strength and energy to exist continually positive when surrounded past negativity? Finally, it might be your job to help the mood-hoover–it might be a client or a boss or a family fellow member?

The practiced news is that there are tools that help you manage negativity, both protecting you AND potentially positively impacting the mood-hoover (or dementor). Not merely are they based on scientific research, but in my work with lots of aroused people in conflict, I've seen them work magic.

First, we demand to understand that negativity is a natural response that keeps us safe. Negative feelings are useful and normal. Abiding positivity (as well as being really actually annoying) is not healthy. So, let's look at why negativity is natural.

Why is Negativity a Natural Response

Development takes a long fourth dimension and humans still accept a negativity bias. This is because it is unremarkably safest in a physically dangerous situation to presume that the change is a threat.

For case, in a jungle, you see something that you remember is a snake in the path.  Before you even realise that you accept thought about information technology you either run away, order the object on the path or freeze hoping the snake won't observe you.

When something changes, in a split second, our brain reacts to the potential danger, causing a physical and chemical reaction in our bodies, and and then we act. This is the flying fight freeze response. Let's look at what that does to u.s..

When a threat or a change is perceived, the heart rate changes and sends a signal diverting blood from "non-essential activities" to those needed for running away or fighting. This happens whether the perceived threat is physical or mental. Development favoured those who didn't stop to retrieve but just ran away or fought…

Then in challenging situations, unless we learn how to control the flying or fight response, our thinking encephalon shuts downward. We are left with is fear, anger, anxiety, hate and instinct.

Cortisone, adrenaline and steroids are pumped into us, making us more frightened and/or angry.

You cannot feel confident because your torso is beingness pumped total of hormones that make you anxious, angry and alert to all sorts of dangers. Your focus narrows to the particular outcome, you can't see the bigger picture show.

Your encephalon then tries to make sense of the situation and says there must be a reason for feeling this way, so interprets everything negatively.

This is a normal human response that keeps us safe. Everyone has this hardwired in.

Why Negative Emotions are more Powerful

Negative emotions are much more immediate than positive ones. Nosotros need about three-5 positive interactions to counteract a negative i. Negative emotions are  instinctive, stronger, terminal longer, have a greater physical touch on and are remembered nigh clearly. Positive emotions are more subtle, fleeting, based on our interpretation and less memorable.

"The listen is similar Velcro for negative experiences and Teflon for positive ones." Rick Hanson

So negative emotions will outweigh positive ones and cloud peoples minds and their thinking brains are switched off. We need to understand this to be able to deal with complaints, resistance and negativity.

So before nosotros look at how we can foreclose or manage negativity in the long run, I want to give yous some first aid tools for immediate employ. I'll deal with long term strategies in another postal service.

Conflict First Aid: Managing the Wink Points

Before looking at how to forbid a build up of toxic or negative free energy, permit's deal with the wink points.

Pause: a tool to calm yourself before the storm

Between stimulus and response at that place is a infinite. In that infinite is our power
to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom. Victor E. Frankl

Think of a recent state of affairs where the situation didn't go as well every bit you would take liked. Choose a 5 on the scale of one it didn't bother you and x was hugely traumatic. Imagine that the person is coming to see you or phoning in an hour.

Intermission and reflect, if only for an instant.

Inquire  my instinctive response keeping me safe from physical danger?(If so, let the primitive brain take over. If not, go on)

Take some deep slow breaths. This will at-home and strengthen your heartbeat and clear your mind.

Notice how you feel

Choose how you lot desire to react. Practise y'all need to ask for more than fourth dimension?

Human activity: a tool to work out what to do before the storm hits

A Admit your feelings.Accept that it might exist hard. Assess the chances realistically.Deed as if you will be successful

C At-home yourself. Consider what y'all could do. Etch your programme.Choose your time.

T Think of what is important and the ideal result.Trust yourself.Take your fourth dimension. Attempt and try again.

The quality of our lives depends not on whether or not we accept conflicts, merely on how we respond to them. Tom Crum

Sometimes we don't have time to prepare ourselves. The situation merely arises–we walk into a room and the negativity starts. What tin can we do?

SALAD: a salubrious response to negativity

Here'south a healthy manner to react to negative attitudes.  Instead of fight flight freeze, follow the  Salad steps. Salad isn't overnice if you get out it ages before y'all consume it, and just like that the sooner you follow these steps the better.

Now I want yous to imagine a typical situation when y'all are facing a negative colleague' complaining customer or criticising boss. Piece of work through the steps below.

Getting irate? Good….

This is very difficult to do if we believe that the person complaining is out to go us, or angling for a freebie or that they are just a nasty person. Then first, take a couple of deep breaths, and  tell yourself

• What I actually desire a good interaction and
• This person is giving me a look at how things have gone wrong and giving me the chance to put it right.
• this is a good chance to do my negativity handling skills.
• What is the best possible result and what can I do to make sure it happens.

If you keep this in heed, it is gets easier to be calm every time.

Acknowledge their pain/anger/sadness. Accept that this is their view and that they have a right to express it.

Apologise that the person has been hurt (and has had to complain and give thanks them for telling yous.(yous demand to hateful this, or it volition sound insincere and potentially brand things worse).

Don't blame and don't spoil your apology with an excuse. You aren't saying they are correct and you are wrong, you are sorry the situation has occurred and y'all are thankful that they have told you about it and they accept a correct to feel the style they do. An amends is a cast, and like a bandage, it needs to exist bigger than the wound. Whatsoever you lot say don't say "I'm sorry IF you found information technology upsetting".  The person then thinks "oh, then you are only sad because I complained and you lot don't think I should be upset…"

Listening to negativity is incredibly difficult. Nonetheless, it is the key and centre of an effective arroyo. Listening is like a magic wand.  Ask them to tell you more and listen to what the trouble is.

Actually explore and understand what is going on for them.  Recognise the impact on them. Accept that their view may be different. Don't trivialise information technology, don't make excuses, or endeavor and give reasons or interrupt with a solution, just listen.

What people want when they complain is to be heard and understanding about why they are upset.

The most of import affair is that we need to exist understood. We demand someone to exist able to heed to the states and to sympathize us. And so we will suffer less."  Thich Nhat Hanh

Withal, be careful they don't start going in a loop and reinforcing the negativity. If they start repeating, ask what could exist done to make things ameliorate.

It'south very tempting to rush in with our solutions. We want to make things improve so try and solve the problem before request what their solution is. For example, giving the customer a gift, or vouchers or offering to take someone'south place.

If it is done without understanding the trouble or the desired terminate consequence, non only will the person feel that you lot are trying to buy them off, you will get more complaints about the same thing because it hasn't been fixed or it encourage more negativity considering it is rewarded.

Perhaps the person wants an explanation, mayhap they only desire to brand sure no one else goes through what they have done, perchance they desire an amends. If yous've listened well, you lot will know.

Do what you tin.

Thank them again for bringing things to your attention and tell them what you lot will do to correct any mistakes yous might have made.

Sometimes there is nada you lot can practise to put information technology right. Be honest and tell people that.

If you don't have the authority or resources to put it right, do what you tin to ease the situation. Simply acknowledging their pain and listening makes a big difference.

People volition forget what y'all said, people will forget what you did, but people will always retrieve how yous made them feel. Maya Angelou

If you lot need some help with negativity, give me a call. I offering disharmonize coaching; either to give you tools to protect yourself from negativity or to aid the mood-hoovers go a fresh perspective and improve their lives. I likewise offering preparation workshops and mediations. Call or email help@nancyradford.com  for a free confidential discussion.

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Source: https://nancyradford.com/dealing-with-negativity-and-resistance/

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